Long Long Way to Go

I realised that there were only three weeks of school left when a teacher started panicking yesterday. And while I was busy whining about it, nobody else seemed to be bothered. I can bet they’ll miss school once it ends though. Yankee says we have friends at school only becasue having friends helps us adapt. I don’t think so. Or at least I don’t want to think that way.

Ajju and Jyoti were having their regular “bipolar sessions” when I suddenly felt miserable again- I shall miss them, and countless other people, like hell. And it won’t only be school ending; soon we’ll go our own ways and won’t have time to call or email or sms more than a few times a week (at best). Parts of Def Leppard’s song Long Long Way To Go probably express best how I feel right now.

Long Long Way To Go

…Then every time I turn around
And you’re nowhere to be found
I know I got a long, long way to go
Before I can say goodbye to you
Oh, I got a long, long way I know
Before I can say goodbye to all I ever knew
To you

To you, I wish you everythin’
And all the best that life can bring
I only hope you think of me sometimes, oh
And even though I feel the pain
I know that I will love again
The time will come, oh, and I’ll move on…

Valentine’s Day- black, brown and grey

Every year around Valentine’s Day, my ussually estatic mood is replaced by dreary mood and silence that actually deafens people who’re used to my otherwise excited yap-yap-yap.

Valentine’s Day, the day when “people celebrate love” makes me feel unloved- although the rational part of me knows that the lack of a S.O. (significant other) is not equal to the lack of love. I had read somewhere that Valentine’s Day is good until it becomes an obligation or a duty. to me, the nearing of Valentine’s Daybring feelings of wanting to be “loved” and made to feel special. On V Day, I begin by wishing everyone I meet (including people who I know will make a mean joke in response). V Day is filled with crazy hugs and wishes- and friends trying not to show off their chocolates and flowers.

Questioning the self

It’s hard to imagine there can be computers in the world with no MS word, but right now I’m stuck in one of those computers myself. There’s no Word or any other such software. And I’m writing on notepad.

The purposelessness I feel at the moment is boundless. Of course there are those ambitions I have and all, but right now, this very moment, life seems to be very very bland. (To top off the frustration, the internet I’m using is so so slow. I’m trying to open my gmail inbox and it seems to be IMPOSSIBLE. Highly impossible.)

Yesterday, Yankee (a good friend of mine. I realised I’ve never mentioned her, by name at least, on the blog) said I’ve become extremist and bitter lately. I’m not bitter to and about everyone, but I’ve noticed I do have very strong opinions about people and things. And I can be very vocal about them. Didn’t feel too good about the comment, but then I’m starting to think it’s true. I don’t remember ever saying mean things about the guys in my class except that they’re unsocial, but yes, about a certain playboy I did, and about a few other people. I don’t know… Maybe I’m just bitter by Yankee’s standards- she’s the type of person who everyone likes. I’ve never heard her say things about people and she can keep things to herself when you tell her to. I’m starting to question my bitterness, and questioning what you do can never be fun. Sucks.